Too Much Information
by goingdownhillagain
Summary: There is a BIG difference between knowing and KNOWING...


Too Much Information

By goingdownhillagain

Author's note: I'm back….yea…actually I've had no internet access for a while…yes, that's sad…

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THUNK!

Wufei was not in a good mood.

THUNK!

Definitely not in a good mood.

THUNK! THUNK! THUNK! THUNK!...THUNK!

HE had run out of tea, again and his bloody internal clock refused to corporate for the entire week.

THUNK! THUNK! THUNK!

And from the sound of things, Heero and the human bunny rabbit Duo were doing the nasty…again

THUNK! THUNK! THUNK! THUNK!

Wufei couldn't understand anything about them. Sure, the freedom that they as teenagers enjoyed now that the war was over was something even he was inexperienced with. There were still nights where he lay on his bed, fingering the handle of his sword, waiting for the whistle of a rocket or the sporadic shower of bullets against his reinforced exterior walls. Still, humping every square inch of every abode that happens to fall within a city limit was going over board.

It seemed that the presence of Relena wasn't slowing Heero and Bunny rabbit down. It was the sixth day in a row that their constant thunking against any surface had punctured the serene stillness of the countryside. Thank the gods they were the at least an hour's drive from the centre of town.

"Seriously how hard is it to find a blasted coat closet in-"

There was a small whimper.

Wufei stopped mid-stride, his right hand instinctively grasping at empty space next to his left hip. He stood for a moment, straining his sense but only the steady thumping again wood could be heard. Shaking his head in disgust, Wufei looked around to get his bearings. He was going to find his jacket if it was the last-

The whimper came again.

Wufei stood still, his ears trying to find the source. Maybe it was another stray dog struck in the basement. The whimper came again, but this time Wufei realized that it wasn't originating from below but to his right, muffled behind closed high-decorated doors. Wufei stared at the door then, sighing deeply and probably seeing his plans going up in smoke, he turned sharply, twisted the lock and entered the room.

It was one of the sitting rooms where, according to Relena, the Peacecraft ancestors would receive their most intimate friends. The room was cozy enough; a small crystal chandelier giving off a soft glow even as the sky settled into twilight. The room was circular, with most of the furniture placed in the centre of the room. There was a small fireplace, but the walls were primarily lined with bookshelves of dark oak. The material that lined the furniture spoke of old money, yet there were touches of modernity. A small touch screen panel allowed those in the room to control the tint of the programmable window. One of the books trained its lens on anyone who walked in or out of the room. Under an elaborate coffee table, a padded panel, when pushed the right way, opened up to reveal a fully stocked mini fridge.

Wufei did a careful perusal of the room; everything seemed fine. One of the shawls that usually graced the loveseat was missing but Wufei knew Relena was want to walk around with thing that made her comfortable. Wufei, satisfied that nothing was in there, turned to leave.

The whimper came again.

This time he knew it was in the room. Turning back, he cautiously moved into the room, looking for anything, something that would require his presence. Maybe he could find Quatre and…

Underneath the loveseat, curled into a fetal position, clutching the missing shawl between her stiff, white fingers was Relena. She was barefoot, her toes spastically twitching, as she whimpered into the shawl's wooly material. Her eyes stared off into space, and if not for the miniscule twitch just under the lower lid of her left eye, Wufei would have sworn that Relena was completely catatonic.

"What the hell happened to you, onna?"

No response, just twitching and whimpering.

Wufei looked around, trying to figure out how to get her out from under there. Maybe if she wasn't so focused on the carpet she might give him a straight answer. Suddenly a _THUNK_ ruptured the air above them and it was at that instant that Wufei noticed how Relena's entire body froze as the sound echoed down to her hiding place. Instantly, memories of times spent in the company of Heero and Maxwell, and the awkward moments when he was unfortunate enough to walk in to their shared apartment and realize that he really needed to make alternative plans for sleeping. And suddenly he knew.

"Ah…take it this is the first time you've been present for one of their marathons."

Relena's eyes shifted just slightly.

Wufei settled his body on the floor. As much as he found this a waste of his time, for some reason his heart was glad that he had finally found someone just as traumatized as he was with the whole PDA thing.

"Onna, trust me this is tame. I should have warned you when you invited all of us, but I figured since you knew about their relationship, you already knew what to expect. Trust me they going to be at it for a while."

"I… know."

Her voice was soft, thready and broken as it hit his ears, but Wufei could feel the hairs on the back of his neck raise. He chose to ignore it.

"Still, I suggest that for the rest of this trip you should avoid them. Probably take a walk outside, or go into town…"

The thumping upstairs rose in crescendo, and once again Relena squeezed herself under the imaginary shelter of the love seat. As Wufei stared at the roof in horror, he briefly wondered if he could crawl in next to Relena. Maybe he could introduce her to the joys of headphones…

"Seriously," he muttered to himself, "you would think that with all that noise there would be some variety. And I don't think there is any technique either…"

"Trust me, …Heero has… enough tech…technique …to keep Duo …freaking happy."

THUNK! THUNK!

Wufei went dead silent, his eyes slowly growing wide as he turned his head to the small body peeping out from underneath the chair. His sub-conscious mind connected the dots, but some sick, sadomasochistic part of his brain needed to know the answer to the next question.

"How do you know that?"

Relena didn't look at him, and when she opened her mouth she didn't seem to acknowledge his question. But he got his answer.

THUNK! THUNK! THUNK!

"As to your suggestion… about avoiding… them; I think it too late for that. I have just…enjoyed the pleasure of their…company…"

"Oh shit."

THUNK! THUNK! THUNK!

"For the last four hours…"

THUNK! THUNK! THUNK!...THUNK!

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All Relena needed was her hoodie. For the first time in three weeks, the country air took on a crispness that told even to stupidest creatures that the coming seasons were going to be a bitch. Unfortunately low supplies and a staff-free house meant that someone needed to go into town.

Relena didn't mind; it was a good opportunity to go into town and visit Mr. Morris, the florist. The townspeople were very understanding with the presence of a Leader-of-the-Free-World in their midst. For the most part, they left her and the guys alone, merely seeing them as very mature teenagers on summer break. Only once was there a problem, but the mayor assured her that the injuries the young men received should heal well and that Wufei was in no way responsible for his reaction to the hold-up.

Relena stood in the small passageway of her walk-in closet/ panic room, trying to remember where she left the army green hoodie she used last night. Through the padded wall, she could hear the faint thumping of a hammer deeper in the house.

Relena could feel something under her left eye twitch, but she knew that it would fade soon. After a week, Heero and Duo…having…sex was not as traumatic as it should have been. In a slightly weird way it was sort of …cute.

Pushing Heero and Duo's physical manifestation of their love aside, Relena once more shoved her arms into the rows of jackets. Maybe it was stuck between these two jackets-

The door to her room swung open with the savagery of police raid. Instinctively, Relena shut the door of her closet, diving to the carpeted ground with enough force to give her a nasty rug burn to her side. She didn't particularly care; her adrenaline-fueled mind ran through the escape route that Heero drilled into her skull the first day the group arrived. Her hand had automatically begun reach for the handle, which would activate the alarm and lock down the entire house, when she realized that there weren't the usual sequential sounds of rapid gunfire and exploding shells. Instead there was…

THUNK! THUNK! THUNK! THUNK!

Relena just sat there totally confused. What the hell was that? She crawled up to the door, which had a two-way mirror (curtsey of Heero), and angled her body to see the doorway.

There was Heero, thrusting his groin with the speed of a very determined woodpecker into Duo's ass.

The logical part of Relena's mind made a direct about-face went to what ever happy place it resided in during the war. The rest of her however decided that this was too good to pass up. As Relena stared on in unbridled horror and awe, Heero continued his persistent thrusting, yet all the while working Duo tight jeans down his shapely legs. Duo was pretty happy with it, from the way things looked. Gasping for air in passion soaked ecstasy, Duo valiantly tried to help Heero, his legs kicking futilely as his hand remained welded to the door. It seemed that Heero grew impatient, for in an instant, he pulled out of Duo, flung him around and, clenching the waistband of his jeans and pulled down violently.

Duo smiled, then grinned as he grabbed Heero by his vest collar and proceeded to kiss Heero into submission. Unfortunately, the kiss seemed to energize rather than soothe, for Heero grabbed Duo's hips, and lifted him bodily. Duo was very happy with the response, so much so that he wrapped his long flexible legs snuggly against Heero's waist.

"Oh. My. God!...so that's how he gets that thing in…"

By this time Heero and Duo had forgone her gothic style door for her queen size bed. Unfortunately, it meant that Relena lost track of their movements. Yet by the vigorous, yet rhythmic rocking of the bed and the slightly damped pillows that slowly slipped off, Heero and Duo were definitely not through. Relena closed her eyes for a second. It was obvious that her room was going to be violated, still her staying here was something equivalent to being the sex-deprived closet perv that Dorothy outright accused her of. So what if she liked listening to the gossip of Duo's valiant attempt at wooing Heero? At least it worked out well.

"Though right now, Dorothy would be gloating if she saw me…"

Gradually, the thunking seemed to patter off, the bed tilting softly, the hinges squeaking under the release of pressure. Relena knew that this, more than ever, was a good time to make a polite but hasty retreat. Years of etiquette training warned her that she broke some social norm. The fact that they chose her room to do their business didn't bother her as much as the fact that she was unseen but intrusive presence on what she considered as a private moment.

"Maybe …I should…"

Raising her hand, Relena prepared herself for the awkward moment where she would see Heero and Duo spent but in a compromising position. Taking a deep breath, she steadied her arm, turned the knob and eased the door open…

The closet door slammed shut with such force that Relena's wrist stung even as she tried to pull her hand back

"What the-?"

She looked up quickly, half expecting Heero to be standing there.

"Oh….(gasp)…oh…"

The vacuum that suddenly filled the closet mercifully blocked out the sound, however nothing could sear the image of what was in front of her from her retina. There was Duo, legs spread-eagled against the two-way mirror and Heero was…

"Oh…ahh?"

Even as she sensed parts of her mind shutting down, there was enough neurological activity left for Relena to note that Duo was happy, Heero was still determined and Duo's member was as long as a …

"Heerooooo? I'm gonna-"

"Damn it wait! Just one more…second!"

"Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh God!"

"Hold on…Almost…"

Relena heard the grunting, the heavy panting of two bodies striving for release. She saw the bodies meet in an unholy miasma of muscle, skin and musk. She could feel the vibrations of their thrusting through the steel lined door. Her mind couldn't take it anymore. With one final, frenzied banshee scream of terror, it shut itself off, leaving only the basic senses operational.

Unfortunately it was her sight and hearing.

Relena sat there, jaw slack and eyes stretched wide open as Heero and Duo continued on. The two boys were blissfully unaware that as they reached the culmination of their union, their unseen and unfortunate observer had been traumatized to the point of catatonic psychosis.

And, sadly for her, was not able to faint.

THUNK, THUNK, THUNK…THUNK

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Wufei stared at Relena in horror as she curled into herself further, pull the shawl in her hands around her head. The thunking hadn't let up since Relena stated her story. As a matter of fact the rhythmic sound seemed to be coming closer.

"Yu…you know…they only stopped…for thirty minutes?"

"Yes…yes I know…they have great stamina…and recovery time."

"Chang…you said earlier that...you…were familiar…how do you…"

"Erase that? I don't know. I've never actually seen them…um..."

Relena covered her head. Wufei continued on quickly.

"But if it makes you feel any better, when I realized what they did to my kitchen, I made them pay for the renovation. With the money they make now…they can afford it-"

"They did the…thing…all over my room…Wufei…all on the …"

"Okay then, do you know what you need? You need to go out! Yes, yes that's what you need now."

Wufei was talking fast. As much as he found Relena annoyingly optimistic, even he wouldn't leave her in this state. In a way he saw it as his mission to help another survivor of Heero and Duo's hormonal tornadoes.

"Relena?...Relena…"

Relena began rocking herself.

"Damnit onna! Stop being such a wuss! You've seen worse!"

Relena stopped and Wufei was almost relieved to see the flash in her eyes as the shawl was flung away from her face.

"You can't stay here! They'll just keep-"

"Going…and going….and…oh, God!"

THUNK, THUNK, THUNK!

Wufei could see her slipping away again. He had to think fast, for all their sakes.

"Peacecraft! You're going to get up and you're going ignore them and you're going to come with me."

"Why should I?'

Wufei took a deep calming breath.

"Because, I'm going to take you out…for a movie…a violent movie with blood, gore and explosions."

"No romance?"

"None whatsoever."

Relena pondered for a moment.

"Wonderful…I'll go get my jacket and wallet."

"Where are they?"

"Oh, they're in my bed-"

THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK…

Relena's face collapsed at the realization of what it would mean to retrieve her property. Wufei could already see the hopelessness seeping in.

"Um…don't bother. I'll pay…just get up, put on your shoes and-"

THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK,

"Let us get the HELL OUT OF HERE, WOMAN!"

Wufei was impressed at the speed Relena used to get to the door. Maybe he didn't need to scream at her in the first place.

Heero decided that he needed to apologize to Relena. Not only for desecrating her room, as a sated Duo recognized later. It had dawned on him that he and Duo's openness would be a shock to Relena's more delicate sensibilities. Given she was never really an overly sensitive girl. Being first, the Queen of the World and later the Vice-Foreign Minister of the ESUN trained all feebleness out of her. And when Heero finally came out, she seemed the least surprised by the announcement. However the twelve hour marathon he and his boyfriend was engaged in, though a result of three weeks away from each other, got out of hand

"I can't believe we desecrated Relena's room. Though in retrospect, we should have realized it was hers. With the pink wallpaper and all."

"Duo, the wallpaper was pastel peach, not pink."

"So the peach looked pink. Therefore pink. Anyhow, is the room cleaned completely?"

"Yes, I ran the blue light over every inch of the room. It's free from any bodily fluids."

"The bed?"

"Structurally sound"

"Doors?"

"Solid."

"Draperies."

"Cleaned and pressed."

"Okay then…so she shouldn't notice anything, right?"

"No, baka. Now stop asking me questions. You're supposed to be draped across me."

"Sorry…"

They were in the main living room, the one with the fireplace that took up most of the wall. Through the two bay windows on either side, the boys could see the driveway disappearing into the country road. The forest that surrounded their house was a wild and lush, however only an idiot would think it safe. At strategic places, Heero's security systems kept the area safe.

Which is probably why Heero had no problem relaxing on the recliner, reading security programmers magazine and occasionally fondling Duo.

"Hee-chan?"

"Mmm."

"Where's the cute and adorable blond one?"

It took Heero a moment to figure out whom Duo was talking about.

"I believe Trowa is entertaining Quatre in the library. And from the grapes, wine, cheese and instruments, I'm assuming they are not to be disturbed."

"Did he take lube with him?"

"I don't think -"

"Because lube is really important-"

"Duo, Trowa has everythin-"

"Because nothing spoils an evening of romance, debauchery and sin like chaffing."

"Duo, will you-!"

"Unless they like that sort of thing. A pseudo-SM-"

"Duo! Will you stop that?"

At that moment, the lone rev of a motorcycle engine cut through the cool afternoon air. As the two boys looked through the window, Wufei's bike slowed down as it approached the driveway. Both Heero and Duo realized that the Asian was not alone this time.

"Is that Relena?"

Heero frowned a bit. He didn't know Chang and Relena were an item. He would have assumed Chang would have informed him for security reasons. He would need to have a world with him.

"Hey, Lenie and Wuffles are an item! That's so cute!"

"I would like to know where they went. Was it a secured area and why-"

"Heero! Shut up and let them explain themselves. Here they come."

They were still talking about the movie when they walked through the door. Relena was retelling Wufei the part where the hero blew up the second floor of the casino with twenty pounds of dynamite. She was about to say more when both realized that there were other people in the hallway.

"Hey Woffie-poo! How was da date?"

What happened next was very strange. Relena opened her mouth to answer and then she frowned in confusion. As the boys watched, Relena stammered a bit before swallowing quickly.

"Princess, you okay?"

Relena stared at Duo for a moment, and then as Duo watched, she began to back away slowly. She was looking for a way out and at the exact moment he was going to ask her what's wrong, she found it.

"Um…I…uh….okaythen!"

She ran.

The three boys stood there looking at the space where Relena disappeared; two in shock and one in calm resignation.

"What the fuck was that?"

"You should know Maxwell. You and Yuy are the cause of it."

Duo and Heero looked at each other. Heero spoke up.

"What, were we too loud. We did try to stay on the eastern side of the house. Well, most of the time…"

Wufei rolled his eyes at the furtive glances Duo gave Heero.

"Trust me she got accustomed to that. We ALL got accustomed to that!"

"Still angry about the bread box, ain't ya"

"Shut up Maxwell!"

Heero became impatient.

"Chang, why is she acting like that?"

Wufei looked at them in disbelief. Then realizing that they still didn't get he began to walk off.

"Chang I asked you-"

"Here's an idea. Next time you and Bunny Rabbit over there want to go at it-"

"Hey!"

"Make sure you have no witnesses."

Heero was so confused that he let Wufei pass, however it was Bunny…um…Duo who figured it out.

"Oh SHIT! You mean she saw?"

Wufei stopped and looked wearily at them, "Every damn thing."

Heero finally figured it out.

"Where was she?"

"Your safe room/closet. According to her, both of you trapped her there for three hours."

"That's when we…oh"

Heero had the decency to look chagrined. Duo looked contrite.

"Man we really need to make it up to her."

Wufei closed his eyes, "I suggest you do her a favour, don't do anything for now."

"Why?"

"She's traumatized and really delicate at the moment. Leave her in her little cocoon in the library for now. By Friday she should be fine."

Heero readily agreed, however Duo became very still. He also became very interested in the hallway Relena just passed through. Wufei became worried.

"Maxwell?"

"Where did she say she was going?"

Wufei frowned. "To the library…why do you ask?"

A scream rented the air. The three boys looked at each other in shock before scrambling along the hall to the library door. It was wide open and as they shoved their way through, they were met with a strange site.

Relena was unconscious on the ground by the door and when they looked further into the room they saw why. There was Trowa in all his naked glory standing with a throw cushion strategically covering his member. The grapes were all over the floor and there was an empty bottle of wine with two wine glasses close by. All this distracted one from the fact that Quatre was hiding behind Trowa's massive body. He still had his shirt on, however his pants and boxers seem to be on the ceiling fan above them.

No one moved.

Suddenly Wufei stepped forward and scoped Relena into his arms. Without a backward glance, he stormed out of the library and up the stairway to the bedrooms. As he disappeared with his cargo, he was seen bending his head and whispering. The others heard Relena's reedy response.

And then they were gone.

There was silence. No one moved, no one breathed. Then Quatre cleared his throat.

"Um…why did Relena scream 'not again' at us?"


End file.
